Coming Out With My Spirituality - Or Not

 One thing that is on my mind quite often is my difficulty in being open about my spirituality and beliefs. So far nobody but my partner and my wonderful puppy know. I have hinted at it to my family but since we are not a family that naturally talks about belief I often dropped the subject before it got too personal. It's strange, I do ask them sometimes what it is that they believe in and the answers are often quite short and defined. They never ask me in return what I believe in. In one way I think that is a very good thing because it's really quite a wonderful thing that they don't judge by beliefs and don't care what I believe in as long as I am happy and living a good life. And I guess I'm not very much one to talk about belief myself. I have had a fair amount of interesting discussions about belief but it's not something that happens often. Actually it only really happens around people who do enjoy talking about their beliefs and spend a lot of time doing so, also with their family.

The negative part with all this is that my personal beliefs make me quite insecure. I do not know anybody in person who is on a similar path to mine (at least not that I am aware of) and have not yet found too many people on the internet that come from a family situation similar to the one I described above. This is probably making me more insecure about my own belief than is necessary. On the other hand I don't feel like I have been in a situation in the past few years where this subject came up naturally. In my surroundings belief doesn't really ever seem to be an issue or a topic of discussion. It's a thing that everybody seems to keep private in every day life. Even though I am very happy about the situation, I do feel a growing need to be able to talk to someone on the phone or in person about this subject. Even if it is just to find out what that feels like. There is so much I am discovering, wondering about, questioning and figuring out. There are also great changes taking place in me (I think - It's hard to tell sometimes with yourself).

So these are just some thoughts I have been having quite frequently. I really wonder what it is like to talk to somebody else in real-time about this path. Perhaps even do a small ritual or spell together. I am not even sure if I will like it but it is just something I would really like to find out about.

Die Zauberflöte

Today I went and watched Mozart's "Die Zauberflöte." It's something that I grew up watching and always loved so much. I had never actually seen the live opera so when I saw a poster a few days ago I thought I have to get tickets and go see it! It was especially exciting since I hadn't watched it since I was little.

Something that I never realized about "Die Zauberflöte" are all the references to old religions. Especially the temple of Isis and Osiris. Tamino and Pamina have to pass several tests in order to be initiated and become part of the inner circle.

Here is an English version of one of the songs from the opera, "O Isis and Osiris:"

And here is the same song sung in its original language, German: 

I really think this is so amazing to listen to! I can definitely recommend the entire opera. Here some more bits and pieces I found on YouTube:

A Special Day and One of the Reasons why the Internet is Wonderful

Today I found out that I was one of the winners of a give away contest on the blog "The Wiccan Life" that was done to celebrate the 100th follower. This is so special to me because in my life I can't remember ever winning anything, let alone the first prize :-) I joined the contest more as an excuse to post something and get to know other people who follow a path similar to mine so I was so surprised to see that I actually won. I almost cried because I am just so used to never winning anything. I might be overreacting but it just brings up so many strong memories, especially from my childhood, where I would have liked to win something but never, ever did. So thank you Lady Caer Morganna for having the contest!

To this I would also like to add that "The Wiccan Life" is a really wonderful blog. Lady Caer Morganna really shares a lot from her personal and daily life, past experiences but also how she practices her spirituality. To me who has yet to meet people outside the online world who follow a similar path it is really special to see how others live it. In addition to that and since I am still way in the closet, it is also a great inspiration to see others being so open about their path. I think that is something that's also very special about the internet in general, that there is this possibility to share your own life and glimpse into that of others in a way that you would never be able to do in real life unless you've known the person for a long time. So thank you internet as well!

Witches on YouTube

I thought I would share some of my favorite Youtube Channels when it comes to Witchcraft and Magic:

http://www.youtube.com/user/paganperspective

http://www.youtube.com/user/Krazyboytx

http://www.youtube.com/user/KimiRose771

http://www.youtube.com/user/CharmingPixieFlora

http://www.youtube.com/user/charliesaysgo

http://www.youtube.com/user/avalonmoon91

http://www.youtube.com/user/ABroomandTheMoon

Breathing

What a difference a simple breath can make. It's incredibly easy and yet something I so frequently forget to do. No matter where I am, if I take a deep breath I always feel better. It helps to regain focus as well, supply the body with energy and feel grounded and connected. One thing I especially love doing is breathing in and then to breathe out all the way and then some more. Really go for it until I feel I have not a single bit of breath left in my body. After that I will breathe in again and repeat breathing out so much until it almost hurts (stop before it does start hurting!). Even when I breathe out the first time I already feel like I am cleaning myself from the inside out. A lot of the time I think people do not breathe out all the way (since it does often take a conscious effort) and breath just stays in your lungs. But breathing out all the way makes way for new breath and new energy to come into your system. After repeating this just three times I already feel like my lungs have been completely cleaned out. It's a wonderful feeling and something I would really recommend everybody to try who hasn't already!

Some ways I apply this way of breathing: Before meditation to relax, when I just don't feel that good (I always feel better immediately), to reduce anger, to enjoy a great experience even more, to freshen up, before ritual so that I am not just cleansed on the outside but also on the inside.

Stop Procrastination

I'm a huge procrastinator. I always seem to do the things that I have to do at the very last minute. Especially when it comes to work for university, cleaning, doing dishes, washing clothing. All those necessary things in daily life. I often let my spiritual path get in the way or all those fantastic shops on Etsy. And if it's not Etsy, then I just started reading a book that I absolutely have to finish today or I'm training my dog. All more or less good things to do but none of those are things that need doing right away.

So today, as a deadline is moving closer, I decided to try something new. For one of my classes I have to make a magazine. Now, working on finishing the whole magazine seems like a lot and you first get something good out if at then end when you can start printing. Usually there are also mistakes that you first see when it is printed and then it takes even longer until you have the finished result. So, I decided to divide it up. I started completing the magazine one double sided page at a time. And it's really working! I get super excited about seeing the finished result coming out of the printer and I can watch the stack of finished pages growing relatively quickly. And finishing one double page doesn't actually take that long. These quick results are actually keeping me motivated pretty well. I'm definitely going to try and apply this to all my work.

Here is also a video I found on YouTube by charmingpixieflora. Many probably know this already but it's a great one to watch again and again for some extra motivation.

Watching the Sunset

Today I went to a lake close to where I live to watch the sun set. It was absolutely beautiful. One of the things that I never noticed so consciously before is how the moon gets brighter and brighter the deeper the sun sinks. That's definitely one thing I have always taken for granted up until today!

Once it got dark and I started getting a little cold from sitting I got up and walked back to my bike. As I was walking a song came to my mind. I sang it quietly to myself. It made for such a beautiful moment as they were my own words and it seemed like such a perfect way to end the experience.

Here are the words to my song:

There is magic in the air

Magic 'round me everywhere

In the trees and in the grass

In the river flowing past

In my heart and in my soul

Magic makes my wings unfold

Don't despair and don't be scared

For there is magic in the air

God and Goddess I thank you

No more am I without you